| 454 |
[17 Jul 2009|03:06am] |
life is extremely funny. interesting sense of humour.
i think i'm finally growing up.
and found a place with god.
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| 453 |
[11 Jul 2009|12:36am] |
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i feel like something is missing... that i'm not completely there. it's weird. i feel like a shell.
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| 452 |
[01 Jul 2009|12:23am] |
yesterday was my birthday.
no one cared enough to notice.
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| 451 |
[11 Jun 2009|11:00pm] |
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increasingly, i'm becoming more and more reclusive. i find myself desperately wanting someone to talk to...about my rising fear of life and of living. i just can't handle living, being around people... filled with such superficiality. i have no one to talk to who will listen without being condescendingly sympathetic toward my situation. this is not a life. i knew i was going to die early but not this early. i just want things to be over with.
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| 450 |
[31 May 2009|03:26am] |
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gosh. i don't even know how to even start writing. i'm scared though. that much i know. that much i'm goddamn sure of. i'm at a standstill with my life, present and future. i don't want to do anything but i need to do EVERYTHING. i have only $200 until i leave israel. that is not much of a budget and does not give the allowance to do the things i want to do. i'm falling out. there is a star or a planet that i can directly see from my bed. i look it when i'm about to go to sleep. i've gotten into the habit of watching people out of my window, a la jimmy stewart from rear window. they do interesting things these people. i don't get the entire view of course but their heads and their motions. i am being a super creep. what do i do now? i don't even want to board that plane come june 27. but i also don't want to be in israel anymore.
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| 449 |
[19 May 2009|03:56am] |
i think i need to stop overreacting.
and definitely go back to religion.
judaism, you and i need to talk.
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| 448 |
[15 May 2009|04:25am] |
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i don't know what to do anymore. my life is a mess. i'm thinking too much. i also might be going back to LA for the summer. joy...
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| 447 |
[07 May 2009|01:03am] |
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i want to break up with my boyfriend, leave israel for an unknown destination, drop out of school and never return to a place where someone knows me. i am tired.
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| 446 |
[02 May 2009|02:27am] |
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i really want chocolate, hummus, and pita. but not all together at the same time. the stores are all closed... stupid shabbat.
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| 445 |
[01 May 2009|02:06am] |
new month, new beginnings.
determination is thy name, jenny.
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| 444 |
[28 Apr 2009|12:27am] |
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i need to buck the fuck up. or else i will drown.
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| 443 |
[26 Apr 2009|04:54pm] |
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i always wanted to run away. no matter what place i'm in. perhaps i am not meant to stay here or anywhere else.
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| 442 |
[25 Apr 2009|06:00pm] |
i am more than ready to smoke the entire pack of cigarettes and drink the bottle of vodka. if only to make this headache to go away and the world to melt between my fingers.
i am finally beginning to reconcile.
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| 441 |
[23 Apr 2009|01:24am] |
this just isn't my life.
so much for my namesake.
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| 440 |
[22 Apr 2009|08:36am] |
no more eating... just no more eating...
god hates me.
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| 439 |
[20 Apr 2009|06:16pm] |
random thoughts:
1. the relationship i have with food is more than fucked up.
2. needless to say, my self-image is also not good.
3. i feel unsafe as a girl, especially in israel.
4. i don't have a place i can call home.
5. my sunburnt arms are peeling and it's gross.
6. my boyfriend doesn't really know where i come from...
7. and that hurts.
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| 438 |
[20 Apr 2009|10:37am] |
my faith in god is slowly returning...
and this is rather silly realization in all sorts of different manners.
i don't know.
i feel really alone right now.
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| 437 |
[20 Apr 2009|09:57am] |
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where have you gone?
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| 436 |
[19 Apr 2009|11:54pm] |
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happy dance in my heart!
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| 435 |
[19 Apr 2009|08:17pm] |
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being in israel makes me question everything.
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